Song: “WAP” by Cardi B ft. Megan Thee Stallion
The COVID era was zero fun. Mass layoffs, scratchy masks, canceled vacations, refrigerated morgue trucks, and the looming threat of catching a fatal disease any time you stepped out the front door created an atmosphere of general tension. But out of adversity, uncertainty, and (frankly) abject boredom springs the fertile nebula of creativity. Lockdown gave us this banger in 2020: “WAP” by Cardi B ft. Megan Thee Stallion (an acronym for “Wet-Ass Pussy.” Although you probably already knew that.) It’s a saucy and sexually charged romp that juxtaposes the pair’s alternating deft wordplay against a sample from Frank Ski’s 1993 single “Whores in This House,” thudding bass, and a primal, throbbing beat. Unlike other pop songs featuring dozens of instrumental layers, “WAP” is pared down to the bare bones; the highlight here is the lyrical content and delivery. At 38 years old I’ve been around the block, but the more descriptive verses left me sweating like a nun in a field of cucumbers.
Gobble me, swallow me, drip down the side of me. . .
I wanna gag, I wanna choke
I want you to touch that lil’ dangly thing that swing in the back of my throat. . .Yeah, you fucking with some wet ass pussy
Now get a bucket and a mop, that’s some wet ass pussy. . .
“WAP” wasn’t the most sexually explicit song ever released- it was just the most sexually explicit song ever released by women. Critics lauded its message of empowerment; conservatives denounced it as “ungodly” and “offensive”; feminist music icons like Blondie’s Debbie Harry endorsed it; and teenagers posted endless videos of their parents’ reactions to it. Everyone had some opinion about “WAP.”
That apparently included mealy-mouthed Republican agitator Ben Shapiro, who decided to jump in on the controversy- and wound up dishing himself the greatest self-own of all time.
If you’re unfamiliar with Ben Shapiro, you’re not missing much: he’s a spoiled-brat rich kid who ditched a law career in favor of squawking endlessly about how “persecuted” he feels by the left. Shapiro is a self-described libertarian whose views encompass a wide range of venomous bigotry against homosexuals, Muslims, African-Americans, and women who undergo abortions. (Although strangely enough it’s delivered in a rapid-fire high-pitched squeak, like a ninth-grader begging upperclassmen not to swirl his head in the toilet.)
Which makes this video an absolute laugh riot. Viewed over 3.5 million times on YouTube, it features Mr. Shapiro feigning concern over the health of Cardi B and Megan Thee Stallion. It’s a poorly concealed display of racism and sexism that utterly backfires when he suggests that vaginal moisture is “some sort of medical discharge. . . a symptom that something isn’t right.” And then concludes the clip with a “differential diagnosis” from his wife, a doctor, who apparently told him that female lubrication during arousal was due to “bacterial vaginosis” or a “yeast infection.”
Ultimately it didn’t matter what Mr. Shapiro, or his wife, or pearl-clutching conservatives, or snarky Internet users thought. “WAP” was a monster international hit for Cardi B and Megan Thee Stallion; it broke dozens of chart records around the world, won over 20 major industry awards, and ranked as the #1 song of the year by Rolling Stone, NME, Pitchfork, and NPR. The single went platinum many times over in numerous countries. While both rappers already had successful careers, “WAP” boosted them into the stratosphere, earning them several million dollars each.
And good ol’ Ben the amateur gynecologist?
He became a meme.
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